When the day arrived that I knew my life had to change, to get off the roller coaster, with more downs than ups, I knew I had to look back.
Why and how did I become this insecure, stressed out, frightened person, not knowing where or who to turn to for help.
So I tried to remember the beginnings.
Looking back now I can see these beginnings of why this so shy, so sad little girl in the photo turned into a so sad adult.
During my grade school age, I remember spending many days alone in our basement, no friends. Even now I do not have any long time friends, only the occasional friends that step into our lives at any given time.
Early on I was never encouraged to be more, or that I could be more, or that I could be successful at something in life. Not one word spoken to me by my parents or not one single teacher.
Sure I admit I was not good at math, or many other subjects in school, but didn’t anyone see that I was creative, loved drawing, coloring, painting? Guess not!
The only words I remember were the ones spoken that let me know I wasn’t as smart as my sister, or as talented as my brother. My father’s words of encouragement were, “learn to type”.
Why was I always afraid to speak up, even to my parents, to talk out a problem or something that was bothering me? Why didn’t my mom or dad see what I needed?
I had the most loving mother, not educated, growing up in a coal mining area, and in many ways she too struggled to be more, backward in her ways with people. It wasn’t until my parents divorced, that my mother was forced to step out into the world and eventually she blossomed and experienced happiness in the last part of her life.
My father, who was an alcoholic, lost his way as the family caregiver and provider. We lost our home, and we all suffered.
It wasn’t until I was 50 years old that I started to change in ways that have helped me find the joys of life I experience today. Two special people entered my life.
A boss who showed me what faith in God had done for him, changed him. I saw the success, the confidence, the happiness he had even though he came from a poor rural area of Alabama.
I started to build my faith, to have a personal relationship with God. Our Lord is not the way I was taught in Catholic school. terrifying, judgmental, sending me to hell with one wrong doing. My God loves me, no matter what!
The second person was a young, bright, beautiful woman who came to me and ask me to help her. She had just been given a high profile job in the company we worked, and she needed an assistant. She wanted me. “Why me” I asked, not believing I could be the someone she needed. Tammy answered, “you have the knowledge, you know this area like no one else”.
Thanks to Tammy, for slapping me across the face with this new position, I realized I do have so much to offer. I am not a failure.
We worked together for years, building and accomplishing many things together for our company. She always encouraged me, forced me to step out of my comfort zone, and when she left the company, guess who was given her position? That’s right, “Me”.
In closing this post, let me say that knowing your worth is one of the most important things you can do for yourself to “Love Your Life”.
If you have children, remember to always encourage them, talk to them, look for signs of trouble in their lives, so that you can help them.
Build your faith, start a relationship with God. He is so loving, whisper His name when you are sad or having problems, He will be there for you, and change your life.
Love to all of you!
Hope you will stop by tomorrow for Day 3 of my 31 days of writing about what “Loving My New Simple Life” is all about.