Category: Random Thoughts

Our Last Dance

My last post highlighted a bridal shower given for my dear niece.  We celebrated the wedding this past week.

How wonderful it was for our family to be together at such a joyful time.

At the reception, music was playing and folks were dancing to all the usual crazy songs, including oldies.  I love to watch everyone dance.  It is obvious you don’t have to be a good dancer, you just get up and dance, do your own thing, and just have fun!

The DJ played a slower song and asked that all couples take to the floor.  As the music started my husband said to me “let’s dance, if you don’t mind me leaning on you a bit”.  So sweet!

He suffers from progressive MS, and he is getting worse as the months and years pass.

Walking is impossible without using a walking stick to steady his balance.

Our marriage has been far from perfect and he has not been the ideal husband, but every single time in my life I needed him, he has been there for me.

During this season of our lives we need one another more than ever.

I can’t see into the future, but with no cure for this disease, I thank God for this special opportunity, and ask Him not to let this be our last dance together.

Cherish special memories and moments in your life, I will cherish my husband leaning on me!

Love to all with a grateful heart.

 

Love Hurts

My oh my, it is so very hard for me to believe it is February 14th, 2017.

I somehow got lost in 2016, emotional issues and sudden emotional outbursts brought sad times to my life.

Unfortunate happenings to those I love also filled my mind and days.

So many missed memory making days gone and overwhelming disappointment took over.

Can we love too much?  Love so much that we hurt ourselves?  That’s me!

People, even those who you love so very much, disappoint and can unknowingly hurt.

Over the months, with lots of prayer and soul searching, I’m better, not sad most days, I’m OK.

I realized so many troubling things about myself… that not all folks love the same way no matter how many good things you have tried to do for them.

We are all different, I could not ever think about disappointing anyone I love, that would kill me, but maybe I did.  Maybe not being there for them during troubled years in my life, when it was all I could do to survive myself, hurt them!

Why do I desperately want to be included, doing anything I can for their acceptance. I see now that this comes from being isolated, not always able to get out, due to my husband’s disability.  He cannot travel and do things others can, he does his best and has never asked me not to go and enjoy myself.

Aware that my life is passing so quickly!  It can’t be stopped, realizing I have wasted so many days.

Too much time on my hands since I stopped working, not having that daily interaction with people is huge.

So thankful to God for loving me and giving me another day, month, and hopefully many more years to love.

We must all live our lives fully engaged and that’s what I am working on!

Enjoying my new found passion for finding thrift store items, giving them new life.  Exercising everyday, taking an online fun lettering course, reconnecting with old co-workers, all these help me stay busy.

I know that I am loved no matter how crazy I have been, and I am so thankful to have folks in my life to love.

Love to all today, and never forget to live your life fully engaged!

 

I have attached an old song (1960) recorded by the Everly Brothers years ago, ‘Love Hurts”

 

My Refreshing Time of the Year

At last, it is Spring!

Although the past week brought nights of freeze warnings and some snow, the calendar tells us it is Spring.

Crabapple TreeMy flowering crabapple tree is in bloom and temperatures are finally going to be warm in my area for the next week.

After my family’s emotionally hard winter we are all ready for a refresh!

No matter how long the winter,

spring is sure to follow.

—Proverb

When growing up my Momma always did her “spring cleaning”, going so far as to wash down walls!  We had so little, but she wanted to keep what we had, neat and clean.

Just like Momma, but not as extreme as washing walls, I try to give my home a spring refresh.  I give everything a good dusting, eliminate clutter that has piled up over the winter months, and cleaning a few windows, letting in the spring sunshine.

I want my home to be clean, simple, and uncluttered. Seriously, having clutter in a home is horrible. Never being able to find anything is so stressful, it weighs so heavy on your overall life.  If eliminating clutter is the only thing you have time for this spring, do it!

My spring decorating is no frills, just simple.

Found some white dishes in a thrift store and added to each side of my dining room hutch.

White Plates in the DiningSpent $3 on some dogwood sprigs at Hobby Lobby for the table, and added some sweet yellow birds here and there.

Dogwod in the DiningYellow BirdsSpring is also a good time to refresh other areas of our lives, our emotions, our hearts.

I have spent some quiet time focusing on my life, my faith, forgiveness, letting go, the important things, love, tell them!

Refresh!  Take care of those areas in your life that are weighing you down.

Go outside today, breathe the sweet spring air, feel the warm spring sunshine, and refresh!

Lovely thoughts to all of you!

 

 

Living with Multiple Sclerosis

In several posts I have shared that my husband Jim, suffers from Progressive Multiple Sclerosis.

Our days together can be so difficult and challenging, filled with overwhelming sadness for me to see what this disease is doing to his body.

Living with Multiple Sclerosis

Diagnosed many years ago, starting with numbness and double vision, the doctors told us that they thought he had a “mild case”, if there is such a thing!  They stated that he would probably not be crippled.

At one point he suffered from extreme, relentless neck and shoulder pain.  His neurologist sent him to the Mayo Clinic for a week of testing, only to be told the pain was due to Multiple Sclerosis.  Jim described the pain, “as if someone were putting a drill to his shoulder and neck”.

As with many episodes of the disease, the pain eventually ended, but the fear that it may return is terrifying to him.

I have decided to post more, from time to time, on what we face living together with Multiple Sclerosis.  I need someone to talk to and I have chosen my blog.

After a bit, no one, not even family members, who love us, can understand the devastating way this disease is taking his body from him.

Can I say I am “Loving my New Simple Life” when my husband is deteriorating little by little every single day?

Believe me, if I had not changed my way of thinking about life, identifying what is really important, love, family, being together, our lives now would be filled with even more unhappiness, depression, and dark clouds.  We do laugh and find joy in being together on most days.

Life is rough, but I knew when I stopped working it was the right thing to do, to be with Jim.

Living with less money, doing without a bunch of extras was hard for me at first, but now it has taught me to love all that I have.

Maybe some of my writings will help others who are living with someone with a physical hardship.

Until the next time, I wish all of you love and courage.

 

Not Just a Cup and Plate

An enjoyable afternoon for me, when I just want to get away from the everyday things in my life, is to visit an antique shop or antique mall.

On my most recent trip I stopped and focused on this glass plate with a sweet matching cup.  I almost immediately remembered why I loved it so!

Glass cup and plate

Years ago, when my parents bought a new home in an ordinary subdivision setting for that time, my mother began to experience lots of neighbors.  Most women in those days did not work, so getting together for coffee and such was common.  Once a month the ladies took turns hosting luncheons.  This was something new for my Mom, and I still recall her anxiety when it was her turn.

She cleaned and cooked and she even managed to buy some special dishes. She wanted everything to be special. The dishes were glass with small matching cups, which fit on the plate. She loved the little dishes, and although I was only in the sixth grade, I loved them too!

I bought the plate and cup and will always cherish the things I have in common with my Mom, especially the love of caring for my home as she did.

Mom's cup and plate

My story has a sad ending, my father was troubled and eventually lost our home. Overwhelming heartbreak fell on us, especially Mom.

This memory brings sadness and tears to my eyes when writing it, since today is my Mom’s birthday.  Mom would have been 92 today.

My parents divorced, but Mom kept us all together with her love and caring.  We all miss her every single day.  She was the most loving Mother and Grandmother to all of us for all of her life.

My comfort is knowing she is in the presence of our Lord, and the suffering she experienced at the end of her life is over.

Happy Birthday dear sweet Mom.

birthday mom

“And the rain will fall ….”

I have always loved the Bee Gees, especially Robin Gibb.  When he passed I was so very sad.

The lyrics in a song he sang comes to my mind as I think of events in my life over the last few lost months.

On my last post I wrote of losing both of our beloved pets, but I did not know at the time that there would be more “rain” to fall.

With Christmas approaching, I had to pick myself up and try to make our home festive for the holidays, although my heart was not there.  My family was coming for Christmas Eve so with the help of my son we worked on painting and carpeting our finished basement, which we had not used in years. When completed it was so very nice.

Two days after Christmas, the “rain” did come literally.  On the morning of December 27th, I discovered that our newly finished basement was flooded.  Our hard work for so many weeks was ruined.  It was such a mess!

With a calmness I can’t believe, and again with the help of my son, we cleaned once again, dried up everything, and moved on looking forward to a new year.

The weather turned very cold and on January 5th, we decided to warm up with a fire in our wood burning fireplace.  After about an hour we suddenly started to hear a noise which I can only describe as pounding coming from our fireplace.  My son ran outside and when I got to the door he met me saying, “Mom, we are in trouble, call 911”.  Flames were coming from our chimney!

The “rain” had once again fallen on our lives.

Thankful to the Fire and Rescue folks, and so very thankful the fire did not spread into our home and to others homes around us, and we were all safe.

Smoke and a black soot rested on many rooms in our home, but again with a calmness from God, we picked ourselves up, brushed off the soot, and started again with our lives.

I really do believe God does not give us more than we can handle.

In the song the lyrics continue to say, “and the sun will shine, it will shine on you”,  and I am happy to report, the sun is shining once more on us.

Hope your lives find calmness when the “rain” falls on you.

My Lost October

I have always loved the fall time of the year.  Love every special thing it brings to our lives.

The colors, pumpkins, apples and apple recipes, cooler temperatures, getting out my favorite sweaters and scarves, going to Starbucks for a pumpkin latte or maybe a coffee and a pumpkin cream cheese muffin.

This October started with joy and excitement, but ended with overwhelming sadness and helplessness.

I have written and mention many times about my two cats…….

Squeeze Box, adopted at 3 years old, so sweet and just a beautiful, loving pet.

and “Kitten”, our older cat, seventeen years old.

IMG_0337[1]We brought “Kitten” home when she was just a kitten.  Petite, loving when she wanted, just such cute ways about her, smart, my son’s favorite.

IMG_0391[1]Our two females did not get along, so when one wanted out the front door, we had to bring the other in the back door. Crazy, but we made it work because we loved them.

“Kitten” wanted out on a beautiful early October evening, so “Squeeze” reluctantly was brought inside. “Kitten” stayed out all night, as she had done so many times over the years, but in the morning when I went to the door she was not there.  She was always there waiting to take her turn to come inside, knowing she would curl up at the bottom of our bed for the rest of the day.

I went to the door many times throughout the day and called her, walked around our yard, searching under bushes, under our back porch, checked with neighbors in case she might have been closed in one of their garages, but she was no where to be found.

We called local vets, and over the next week drove the streets of our neighborhood, and also to many shelters to see if she was turned in, not likely, since she did not go to strangers, but we tried everything.  Our “Kitten” was gone.

After a week or so had passed, realizing “Kitten” was not coming home, we started letting “Squeeze Box” go outside again.

She so loved just curling up under one of our large backyard trees, and staying there all day, or sleeping on one of the back porch chairs.  It was rare that she ever left her yard, her safe place, or so we thought.

After a few days of adjusting to caring for just one cat, I went to the backdoor to feed “Squeeze” and she was not there.  Walked around the house looking for her, but as with “Kitten”, she was no where to be found.

I panicked, surely she was not gone, I woke my husband, and we spent the entire day searching,  “Squeeze” was gone.

If you have ever had a pet you know the hurt, the sadness, the emptiness our family was going through.  Two loving, sweet, members of our small family were gone, without a trace.

We still do not know what really happened to them, but the best guess is unthinkable.

We have since discovered that our area is home to many coyotes, and cats seem to be there main target.  Coyotes can grab cats and carry them off, even back to their living areas, to be eaten.  It is so very hard for me to write this, and to think of what my beautiful pets might have gone through the last minutes of their lives.

This is now November, and we are finally moving on, even talk of another kitty for Christmas.

We miss them and their unconditional love, every single day.

I can hear my husband many evenings before coming up to bed, when he is securing our house for the night, locking the doors, turning on the front and back porch lights, still giving a call or two to each one of them.

Sure wish this was the beginning of October again!

Blessings and love to all of you!

 

 

 

 

“Our Red Wagon”

Many times I have talked about the large amount of magazines I have accumulated over the years.  Some are very old and it is hard for me to trash without going through each one to clip out articles of interest, recipes, DIY projects, etc.

Found this photo when searching through one on garden ideas.

The Red WagonInstead of focusing on the lovely variety of flowers, my mind immediately went to the red wagon and a memory from my past.

I was in high school when my parents divorced after years of hell, both for my mother and for me, my older sister, and younger brother.

The divorce left us without a home, which my father had lost to foreclosure, due to his spending and wasting money on alcohol and having a good time with others.  It also left us without any means of transportation.  This might seem like a small thing, but not having a car was a really big deal to teenagers, we had to rely on others for rides everywhere!

Even the smallest task of bringing food into our new apartment was a big deal.  In steps the red wagon, if we wanted to eat we had to walk blocks to our local grocery store pulling the red wagon behind us.

Mom made sure we all went along on these grocery trips.  As teenagers we felt somewhat humiliated pulling a child’s wagon filled with bags of food back to our new “home”.  Especially humiliating for me, the prissy child, caring to a fault what others thought of us.  I remember just praying that no one I knew saw us, saw our family parade with the red wagon.

We were poor, and after the divorce, I hoped things would get better for our family. The arguments were gone, horrible ones between my mother and father, but the hurt and sadness, especially for my mother, lingered for some time. Mom did her best to make this apartment a home, and eventually we settled into our new lives.

My sister saved us when she landed her first job and was able to buy a new car.

God never gives us anything we cannot handle, including pulling a red wagon.

Love to all of you today, with a special hug to my sister for that big black new car she brought home over 50 years ago.

Blessings.

 

 

My Cha Cha!

Found this cute pillow on one of my trips to Hobby Lobby.  It was very inexpensive at 50% off, so for $6.99 I could not resist.

IMG_0453[1]The pillow is so bright, and the word stenciled on the front made me realize that lately I have been forgetting to laugh, and to smile, and to be grateful, and so many others emotions.

For a week or two I have had such a dark cloud just hanging over this life of mine.

When I was a child, I remember my mom on the phone with one of her sisters responding, I am assuming to the question, “how are you”, saying “I just have “the blues” today”.

Maybe that is how to best describe my unhappy time…I just had “the blues”.

I overwhelmingly felt alone, unloved, and a terrible sadness in my heart with worry for my son and where he is in his life.

These feelings that took me to this dark place made me see that I needed more work on my faith and trust in God.

The fact is, I am loved, first and always by my Lord, and also by my family, all of them.

I may feel lonely, but I am never really alone, all I need to do is to whisper His name.

Finally, my son, he is grown now and I can no longer control his life.  Life has thrown all of us bad situations and he must live through his.  God is with him and I know in my heart has a plan for this decent, good, kind, and generous person.

As I have mentioned before, when I started on this journey of loving my life, I knew I would have setbacks.  I am just human and I will not beat myself up, just pick myself up!

Optimist:  Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s a cha cha.   –   Robert Brault

So for now “the blues” are gone, and my $6.99 pillow on the back porch is a reminder of the two dark weeks of my life with no laughter, no joy, and the lack of trust in my Lord.

Please don’t forget to “laugh” today, to love today, and always remember you are never alone.

Blessings, and joyful thoughts to all of you!

 

 

Mom and Me!

When cleaning out one of my many closets that need attention, I ran across this photo of me and my dear, loving mom.

Me with DollI love this photo for so many reasons.

It was taken on my grandma’s porch, and I also know that the doll belonged to her.  She would keep the doll on a bed in one of her bedrooms.  The doll’s name was Nancy.

Wish I could ask the person who took the photo if they meant to include my mom, since she appears so far off to the side. I am so happy, one way or another, that they did, she looks so beautiful, and she is smiling, probably trying to get me to look at the camera.  Love her flowered dress, the type I remember her wearing so often, such a sweet print, wish I could remember the color.

Love the old mail box by the door, the flower pots and plants, watered and cared for by my grandma, I’m sure.  Do you all remember those metal porch chairs?

Oh my gosh, I love my little shoes, tied with perfect bows by my mom, and the little sundress I am wearing.

And on this Mother’s Day I wish I could be that little girl for just 5 minutes to tell my momma, “love you”, and to hold and hug her as tight as I could.

Thank God for all the photos I have, and love so much, of all those I love who are with me and those in heaven.

Blessings and love on this Mother’s Day.